Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Bittersweet Spring


There's nothing like sitting out here in the middle of a grove of Cedars during some powerful March wind.  It comes through the grove in a big roar, an almost frightening, primal sound, but a lovely one as well.  The soft and flexible cedar branches bend easily in the wind, and their lace-like fronds seem to dance and shimmer each time it blows.
March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, they say.

It has been a turbulent March for us as well.
Why do I trick myself into thinking things will ever settle down and become a little easier, or quieter, or less hectic? 
They don't.
And being part of a family, at least this family, means that while we wade through really tough stuff, we are also stopped dead in our tracks with the hilarious, the heartfelt, and the sweet. The fact that all this can happen within the same five-minute stretch of time never ceases to amaze me.  (Am I happy, yes, am I sad, yes, am I heartbroken, yes, am I laughing, yes, every single day, every single hour.)

Then a glimpse of rare spring sunshine comes through and everyone is giddy for a day. We are suddenly to be found picknicking on a blanket under a blooming tree.  No matter our age or stage, or what was on that 'to-do' list, we find ourselves playing outside, working outside, checking on things outside; suddenly needing to do anything and be everything out-of-doors.

I find myself confronting both the realities of a really difficult life and the great blessings of it all at once. It all just seems a little weird and changeable. I guess that's a little bit like Spring. 
New things are growing here around every corner.  Daffodils, primroses, camellias, cherry blossoms.  There is a lot of dirt and mud and rain.  The nights are still cold, too cold for the big bulk of garden plants and flowers, but the buds are all appearing.
My kids are growing up too.  Some days they bloom like flowers, other days, let's just say are pretty muddy - and there are lots and lots of storms, as they grow up and as we grow into parents and we all struggle to figure out this really hard growing-up stuff. 

All the good and the bad all at once  - so bittersweet.
Such is my bittersweet spring.

Also, I painted my very ugly front door blue.